The New Eve Read online

  “Women today are inundated by confusing messages about who they ought to be. The New Eve goes straight to the heart of who they were created to be. Robert Lewis does a masterful job of weaving challenges, stories, and biblical truths together. This book will help women gain insights into making their unique lives better, richer, and more meaningful in a way that glorifies God.”

  Gayle Carpenter

  Chief Administrative Officer

  Leadership Network

  “Robert Lewis sounds a much-needed message as he calls women to walk in the feminine freedom and fullness that result from embracing our core biblical callings. The New Eve dispels the current cultural fog regarding what it means to be a woman by looking to God’s design, as revealed in the Scripture, for wisdom, insight, and direction.”

  Nancy Leigh DeMoss

  Author and

  Host of Revive Our Hearts radio

  “Women today have unprecedented opportunities and possibilities before them, but this great new freedom also brings a new dilemma: how to make the best choices for their own good and that of their families. In The New Eve, Robert Lewis gives women of all ages a picture of what God intended for us from the beginning and a clear vision for how we make choices that liberate us to live with purposeful direction. No matter your stage in life, all women can benefit from his coaching. Having known Robert and his wife Sherard since college, I can confidently say this is not just great material. It is a reflection of two godly people who are always working to live marriage and family as God intended. I highly recommend it and hope it will be widely read.”

  Barbara Rainey

  FamilyLife Cofounder

  and Author

  To women everywhere

  who are bold enough

  to trust Jesus Christ

  with their lives and their priorities.

  Eternity belongs to you.

  Contents

  Foreword

  Acknowledgments

  Preface

  1. I Am Woman

  2. The View behind the Choices You Make

  3. What the Issues Are

  4. A Gender Journey into Genesis

  5. Eve and the Fall

  6. The Power of Gender Vision

  7. The Seasons of a Woman’s Life (Part 1)

  8. The Seasons of a Woman’s Life (Part 2)

  9. Choosing to Live with Purpose

  10. Engaging a Man

  11. The Best Marriages—the Happiest Wives

  12. Your Biggest Challenge, Your First Bold Move

  Postscript: How You and Your Family Shape the Future

  Small Group Study Guide and Discussion Questions

  Notes

  Foreword

  I never thought a book written by a man could give me such an eye-opening picture of who I should be as a woman—or that it would have such a big impact on my life.

  It will impact your life, too … if you let it.

  It’s All about How We Are Designed

  Many of you might be familiar with Robert Lewis’ organization, Men’s Fraternity, that has somehow attracted hundreds of thousands of bleary-eyed men into early-morning video Bible studies across the country. While we might have thought men just wanted to have their own version of a good Beth Moore talking-to, there was something much deeper attracting these guys. Robert was giving them a vision, a model for what it means to be a godly, biblically-guided man in a culture that no longer agrees on what that ideal looks like—or whether it’s even necessary. A model that men could measure their personal and professional life by … and a challenge to change it if it didn’t measure up.

  Well, ladies, it’s our turn. Many of us try to live a godly life and follow the Bible’s specific precepts. But without ever intending to, we could still be fighting against how God has designed us—simply because the world of women looks so very different from the way it did in biblical times and we haven’t had a modern-day model to go by.

  This is not just an academic issue. We have professional and personal choices that were unheard of for women two thousand years ago; but God has still designed us as women in a specific way, and that design affects everything in our lives, whether we like it or not. Reading this book, I finally realized: I can commit my daily life and my eternal future to Christ, and I can try to follow the Bible’s directives as best I can—but my most important choices could still be at odds with how God has designed me! And if that’s the case, I will have regret instead of contentment. What’s more, I will drastically limit my ability to be a good steward of the gifts God has given me.

  Whether you are a stay-at-home mom or an airplane-hopping executive, a student or a senior adult, this book will give you a modern, encouraging vision for what it means to be a godly, biblically guided woman in the twenty-first century. In an era where women rightfully have high expectations personally and professionally, and can do almost anything we set our minds to, this model will help us navigate what we should do—and should not do.

  Some Very Personal Encouragement

  I know this has profoundly helped me. As some of you might guess, I’m extremely busy both professionally and personally. I’m a best-selling author, columnist, and traveling speaker; but I’m also a wife and a mom to two young children. I try to be a supportive wife to my husband’s entrepreneurial business, but I also have my own.

  And privately, for years, I have been torn by how to balance it all; how to keep all the plates spinning. With The New Eve, I finally feel like I have a clear and realistic model that I can look up to and respect as a modern Christian woman; something that can help me make the decisions that will lead to relief, delight, and fulfillment instead of regret.

  That doesn’t mean those decisions are easy. For me, it has meant a willingness to reexamine some professional opportunities in light of personal ones. For others, it may mean examining whether you are fully utilizing your unique God-given gifts for the impact He intends you to have. But once you make these decisions, they will fit. You—like me—will feel like you’re finally functioning in the way you were designed for. The specific answers will be wonderfully individual for every wonderfully individual woman, but the vision of womanhood is the same.

  Be willing to be challenged, sisters. The end result will be worth it.

  —Shaunti Feldhahn

  Acknowledgments

  Two are better than one,” the Scripture says, “because they have a good return for their labor” (Eccles. 4:9). I’ve found this to be true in my writing, and The New Eve is certainly no exception. Each book is clearly “better” because of the help given by a number of very talented and supportive people.

  First and foremost on this list is Jeremy Howard. Shortly after finishing his Ph.D. program, Jeremy made a courageous move to Little Rock to assist me in a number of writing projects. I can honestly say that without Jeremy’s energetic spirit, superb professionalism, and writing partnership, The New Eve would have never found its way into print. Thanks, Jeremy, for all your hard work and the positive attitude in which you did it. It has been a privilege working with you. My best to you and Simone and your family as you now embark on a new writing adventure.

  I owe a huge debt of gratitude as well to a number of special women—Gayle Carpenter, Deborah Harris, Cheryl Rainy, Virginia Robinson, and Linda Slaton—who took the time to read my ever-evolving manuscript and offer their insightful comments and helpful suggestions. Ladies, please know that your input made this book better in a number of significant ways. A special thanks to my wonderful daughters, Rebekah Lewis and Elizabeth James, for the hours they put in reading and re-reading specific chapters and talking out with me various ideas and concepts. You both made a real difference. I would also like to say a special thank-you to Shaunti Feldhahn for going the extr
a mile and giving me her in-depth analysis of the manuscript. What a much needed assist that was!

  Much of the artwork you find in The New Eve came from the creative mind of Nancy Carter. Nancy has helped me with graphics on a number of my books through the years and always does so with a bright smile and a servant’s heart. Thanks again, Nancy.

  I also want to thank Lisa Fischer for being willing to carve out time for me in her busy schedule to serve as my host for the Discussion Starter DVD that was produced to support New Eve discussion groups and the study guide found in the back of the book. (This DVD is available at www.mensfraternity.com.) You did a great job, Lisa, and you made it fun too.

  Speaking of video, Jud Archer and his crew—Steve Childress, Thomas Rogers, Claes Jonasson, James Groves, Nancy Shepard, and Dave Calhoun—deserve a special high five for the great work they did in filming and editing. Jud, it was like old times being with you again in the editing suite.

  Dr. Margaret Feurtado graciously took the lead in holding this project up in prayer, and how grateful and blessed I was that she did! Thank you, Margaret.

  Ruthie George also deserves a special mention. It was Ruthie who first urged me to speak on this subject and later gave me the opportunity to do so while she served as the Women’s Ministry Director of our church. Ruthie, I hope you like what you started.

  Thanks to Helen Carter, my administrative assistant, for all the support she gave Jeremy and me during the long days of this writing project. Each day we were greeted with a big, bright “GOOD MORNING!”

  Then there is the publishing team at B&H, beginning with David R. Shepherd and Leonard G. Goss, who head the editorial squad. Lisa Parnell was the project manager for this book, Diana Lawrence oversaw the cover design, and David Chandler was responsible for physical production of the book and the DVD. Thank you all for believing in this project and making it come to life. It’s been a pleasure working with you.

  Finally, to my wife Sherard, it’s hard to know what to say because whatever it would be, it wouldn’t be enough. You are priceless … and always have been!

  It really is true, “Two—and many more—are better than one.”

  Preface

  I know what you’re thinking. It’s the obvious question. What’s a man doing writing a book for women? Personally, I’ve asked myself that same question many times over the past year as I’ve compiled this manuscript. On the occasions when I’ve had the opportunity to talk with my male friends about this project, they’ve engaged me with a look that says, “He could be losing it.” So why did I write this book? Here’s the answer: because women strongly encouraged me to do so. Believe me, this book would have never found its way into print if a chorus of feminine voices had not urged me to go forward and do it.

  Of course, there’s a story that goes with that. For nearly two decades I have enjoyed a wonderfully fulfilling ministry called Men’s Fraternity. I started this with thirty men who met with me weekly to explore core issues and concerns men deal with every day in their hearts and lives. It is real-life stuff men quickly connect with. God obviously blessed it, because soon more than a thousand men were joining me each week for this journey. Best of all, I saw significant levels of positive and powerful change in the lives of many of the men who participated—so much so that their girlfriends or wives began to buzz about the good things they were observing in their men. Many of these women actually began to listen to tapes of my weekly Men’s Fraternity presentations. No doubt they were curious as to what was really going on. Evidently they liked what they heard, because it wasn’t long until I was approached by some of the women leaders in our church with the idea of doing something similar with the women. For several years I only laughed and said, “No way. I’m not a woman.”

  Then four years ago I was approached again with a more limited invitation: would I address key biblical principles for helping women better construct and manage their lives in a way that honors God and avoids unnecessary sorrows in the whirl of the modern world? To me, that felt much more appropriate and doable. It was within the scope of my competency, so I agreed to do it.

  I gave my first set of “New Eve” lectures to some three hundred women in Little Rock in 2004. Then, a short time later, I did it again before six hundred women in Rockford, Illinois, just outside Chicago. Both groups gave me very positive feedback. In fact, a number of the women who attended these sessions have since gone on and used the CDs and DVDs that were produced from these conferences to conduct New Eve study and discussion groups of their own. Meanwhile, many women began to ask me if I would consider redrafting this material into a book. After a time of weighing the risks and seeking God’s direction on this possibility, I decided to move forward.

  So here we are.

  My sincere hope is that in reading this book, you will find the same kind of eye-opening encouragement other women have told me they’ve received through hearing my New Eve talks. Let me assure you that what you find here will not be a one-size-fits-all, cookie-cutter approach to womanhood supported by Bible verses. This is not about becoming a biblical Barbie or recapturing a 1950s model of womanhood; nor is it about promising a formula for a trouble-free life. Life can get messy even when you make the right choices, as many of you know. Thus, my approach is simply to offer hands-on, proven guidelines for making your unique life better, richer, and more meaningful. I’ve seen the benefit of these guidelines in the lives of my adult daughters as they have navigated the highs and lows of their professional careers and personal lives.

  Therefore, I have built the New Eve around five big-picture faith strategies. I call these strategies bold moves because living them out requires bold faith. They serve as guardrails for a woman’s life, not only protecting her from harm but also leading her to a more satisfying, purposeful, and God-honoring lifestyle. But courageous faith is required to embrace them.

  Finally, let me say a word about the title, The New Eve. You’re probably wondering why I chose that title. I did so for two reasons. First, the Eve story in Genesis is a gold mine of helpful feminine insight, extremely useful in constructing a lifestyle that works for today’s modern woman. Second, Eve is much more than merely the first woman. She powerfully represents a type of woman. Amid the immense freedoms and opportunities of the garden God had placed her in, Eve made bad choices that squandered her potential and unleashed a painful life of regret.

  The term New Eve therefore becomes a metaphor for a second type of woman who counters the first Eve. She is a woman of keen discernment. She is a woman who has learned how to navigate our modern world and its endless opportunities—some of which are forbidden fruit—and make right choices. That’s because she is a woman whose biblical convictions run deep. And her choices bring her precisely the opposite of what the first Eve experienced. Rather than pain and regret, the New Eve finds that her bold moves have unleashed a growing sense of satisfaction and freedom into her life.

  Every woman is an Eve. You’ll see that clearly in the pages ahead. All that’s really in question is: Which type of Eve will you be? Will your life look more like the foolish original or the new one who makes better choices? I truly believe the five bold moves I set forth here can go a long way in helping you find the more rewarding path.

  If at this point I have stirred your interest and answered your questions, then let me encourage you to join me on this New Eve journey.

  1

  I Am Woman

  Anita woke up at 6:00 a.m. Normally she would lie in bed and think, pray, and plan until Ron awoke, but not today. For weeks, months, this day had crowded everything else out of her mind. But enough with thinking. It was time to move.

  After a quick shower she dressed and headed for the kitchen. She paused to peek inside her children’s rooms. Empty. A sense of loss streaked across her heart. When the kids were young, she had negotiated a part-time employment arrangement with her boss in order to be with them. Motherhood then had been about monsters under the bed, scraped knees, Big Wheels, b
edtime stories, and the never-ending question: “Why, Mommy?” Later it became endless carpools, schoolwork, athletic events, and volatile boy-girl relationships. Anita had been there for it all, having put a great career track on hold to be at home. She’d do it all again in a heartbeat. There were no regrets except that this time had passed. The kids were in college now, and she had reengaged her career full time five years ago.

  As Anita set the coffeemaker in motion, the business of the day rushed back upon her. She smiled at the tension in her stomach, then turned on the TV at the breakfast bar to catch news about her sister. Select polls had been open for more than an hour now; newscasters were poring over anemic streams of data, somehow converting them into “scientific” predictions on how the day would unfold. “Joanna Taylor is sure to win the Senate seat,” said one pollster. “No, no, this thing is still up for grabs,” countered another. Anita tried not to listen, but she couldn’t think of not listening. “Go, Sis, go!” she breathed.

  “How’s she doing?” Ron asked as he came into the kitchen.

  “Far too early to say,” Anita replied. “It’s silly of me to be watching.”

  “Not at all,” Ron said as he drew up next to her and gave a reassuring hug.

  “I’ve got to get going,” Anita said, quickly refocusing on the day’s big events. “I’ll swing by the poll and vote, several times if I can,” she laughed. “Then I’m meeting Sandy at 10:00 for a final walk-through of the merger contract before I report for jury duty.”

  Ron shook his head in admiration. “You’re something, you know that? Today your sister’s set to become a U.S. senator, you’re closing one of the biggest deals your company has ever made, and still you don’t bother to ask for exemption from jury duty. What else can you fit into this day? Hey, the driveway needs resealing,” he suggested with a wry smile.

  Anita laughed as she finished off a muffin. “Mostly I just want Sis to get that Senate seat! The other stuff is secondary.”

  “Just be home in time for us to enjoy this night together, OK?” Ron said.